I woke up to my mom fucking yelling at me to go to my aunts house. And then she got all pissy when I told her that all I want to do is chill at home today. Maybe if she asked me instead of trying to force me to go I’d be down. Idk if I’ll actually be able to live here and go to school next year.

I wish I was actually there to see my little brothers and sister grow up. I hate having to settle for watching them get older through facebook pictures. I hate knowing that I can only see them a couple of times a year.

My beautiful, smart, seventeen year old sister full of tons of potential is having a baby in nine months. When I found out I was in total shock. I just don’t get it.

She had all this fucking potential and all of these dreams and she was going to go away to college and now she’s just, fucked. She’s keeping the baby and she’s got one more year of high school left. She was somewhat popular and now the majority of those people she thought were her friends are going to fucking turn on her. We don’t get along but I really do not want her to go through this.

Having a baby is going to completely change her life. She can’t go away to a four year college, she has to settle for something close to home. I knew she shouldn’t have gone back to Ohio to live with her mother. She should have just fucking stayed in Orlando with our dad.

It just makes me sad to see it happen. I’m sure that she can still be great at whatever she wants to do, but it’s going to be soo much harder.

My cousin Mario got is coming home from jail today and my family’s throwing some barbecue/cookout/party-thing for him today. He was my favorite cousin and then his dumbass got put in jail twice for some drug-related shit. (I think he was selling idk) But yeah, after that I just don’t care about him as much. He’s stupid and fucked up his life. That brief like, month that he was out of jail he managed to get some chick fucking pregnant! Like really? I used to look up to this kid and now I don’t want to go visit and celebrate his coming home when he’s probably just going to fuck up and do the same shit and go back to fucking jail again.

Does feeling this way make me a shitty person? I feel like I’m being selfish but then again I don’t know.