I should really stop eating in bed

So a lot of people either have really oddly shaped butts, or they wear pants that don’t fit properly..

My beautiful, smart, seventeen year old sister full of tons of potential is having a baby in nine months. When I found out I was in total shock. I just don’t get it.

She had all this fucking potential and all of these dreams and she was going to go away to college and now she’s just, fucked. She’s keeping the baby and she’s got one more year of high school left. She was somewhat popular and now the majority of those people she thought were her friends are going to fucking turn on her. We don’t get along but I really do not want her to go through this.

Having a baby is going to completely change her life. She can’t go away to a four year college, she has to settle for something close to home. I knew she shouldn’t have gone back to Ohio to live with her mother. She should have just fucking stayed in Orlando with our dad.

It just makes me sad to see it happen. I’m sure that she can still be great at whatever she wants to do, but it’s going to be soo much harder.

It’s crazy. The way I feel about you drives me crazy. I thought that I knew love when I was with him,  but after being with you, I don’t think that’s true. I don’t think that what I had with him was ever real love. I thought it was, but it wasn’t. The way I feel around you is just soo much different. It’s been 9 months and I still feel butterflies, my heart still speeds up when I know I’m going to see you. I constantly want to impress you. I can just sit and lay with you in silence and I won’t be bored. Your smile makes me smile, your cute little giggle fills my heart with glee. It’s like a new experience for me. I don’t even know how to describe it. The way I feel when I’m around you is just so different. Sure, we argue, but I know that you’ll always be there for me if I need you, not matter how mad we are at each other,and it’s the same for me.

Sure, we’re only 17, but like that one video said “You’re never too young to love because you’re never too young to die.” I love you with all of my everything loverboy. And when the end of the year comes, and we’re both in college 3 hours away from each other, I know that everything will work out for the best. I know that I’ll still be able to count on you even if we’re not still together romantically. ‘Cause you’re not just my loverboy, you’re my best friend too. <3

that remind me how few friends I have up here. That’s part of the reason that I always want to spend time with you. You live so close to me and I love you so much that when I have nothing to do, I don’t mind just spending time with you. Doing nothing, just cuddling and watching tv is fun when you’re with me.

Back home, there was always someone that I could call when I was bored, just to chill. Up here, I’ve got like, six good friends, and half the time, the like to hang out without me.

It’s times like these that make me so incredibly homesick that I don’t know what to do with myself. I don’t think that anyone really realizes how homesick I get sometimes. It’s not that I don’t like it here, because I do. But, I miss the weather and the people. I miss my house and the palm trees. I miss my old life. I miss the way I used to live. I want it back.

But at the same time I want my few friends here, especially my loverboy to stay with me.

Why can’t life be simple?

Idk why I get so jealous over stupid shit. I guesses it’s because I know that you guys kinda sorta had a past and I’m scared that it might end up happening. I see the way that you look at her. I don’t even think that you realize you do it.

It scares me. I’m scared that when I leave for college that you might turn to her.

Its whatevs.

There’s some people who I see and I’m like “wow, they’re pretty attractive.” but then I notice their facial expression and the way that they walk and they appear to have soo much attitude that it’s ridiculous. I wonder if people realize that the way they carry themselves directly affects how attractive they are.

Sometimes at night, I lay down in my bed and think. I wonder why you love me, what in the world have I done to deserve someone so special, handsome and just overall absolutely amazing in my life.

One of the things that I love the most about our relationship is that we both know that it will end eventually. Nothing lasts forever and I don’t reay believe in the word “forever” anyway. I can be myself around you; I can tell you absolutely anything and not worry that you’re going to hate me and break up with me over something stupid.

Now it’s not so easy. After meeting all of these amazing people and getting so close to my family it’s extremely difficult for me to say “I can’t wait to go back home.” Especially you loverboy. You and Anyul make this so fucking hard for me. I’m almost dreading the end of the school year because after that it’s graduation, and after graduation it’s college. As much as I want to go home to Florida for college I don’t want to lose you guys.

The thought fucking terrifies me. I know that I’m going to cry my eyes out when I leave. I don’t want to lose you loverboy and the worst thing is I know that we’re going to come to an end. We’ve already half discussed it. I don’t know if I can handle knowing that eventually you’re going to find another girl and do and say all the same things to her that you’re doing and saying to me.

Anyul, you’re my best friend. We live in the same neighborhood. I see you pretty much every single fucking day, even if it’s just for five seconds, it makes a difference. I’m going to miss you like crazy.

Hearing my group of friends up here make plans of hanging out during their college years just makes me so sad because I don’t know if I’ll be here with them. I’m going to miss out on all of these awesome memories and you’re all going to forget about me and I’m going to miss you so much.

Because that’s the way it always is. With old friends back home I miss them and think about them and the memories we’ve had and wonder if they do the same. I’ve only kept in touch with a few but I miss them dearly.

I don’t want to grow up. I don’t want to have to make my own decisions. I want to go back to kindergarten and start all over again. I want to relive my childhood one last time. Fuck time. Fuck aging.

Now, it seems like no matter where I live, Georgia or Florida, I’ll be missing a large part of me. I’m never going to be complete. I want things to be simple. Why can’t everyone I love just live in the same area and be happy there? That would make things so much easier for me.